4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
