ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
