I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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