I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize