i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
