Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
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