Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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