So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
