i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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