If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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