Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
he fucked my hip out of place.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Randomize
