Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Edward fifth and chaser hands
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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