His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
