I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
