My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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