remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
