On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
never play flip cup with pint glasses
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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