Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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