HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I think my vagina is haunted
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
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