Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
