please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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