i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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