LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
