tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Walk of Shame today included voting.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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