hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
