I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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