They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
