So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
