I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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