can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
