No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
