you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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