I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
