I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
