Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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