wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
