she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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