Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
