I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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