you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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