tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
