the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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