What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
that is very illegal...i love you.
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