Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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