They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
