While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
