He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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