My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
