I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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