So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
