Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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