You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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