from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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