I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
