I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize