Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
