I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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