I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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