oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
