If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
