i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I woke up under a house in Key West
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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