I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
