My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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