I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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