I'm jealous of your bromance
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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