You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
