I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
