im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
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