Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
You've changed since you got that strap on
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
