When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
