It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
