Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
