So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
